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Can you hear it? That faint, yet growing louder ticking sound?  Super Bowl XLVII is upon us and as we sit looking at the clock just as though we were a kid back in 3rd grade waiting for that 3 o’clock alarm, our anticipation only grows!  We can feel it as our feet start to move erratically; as our fingers begin to twiddle for the final tick-tock. Tick-tock!

Remember the euphoric moment as you watched Ralphie get his Little Red Rider gun?  The Super Bowl seems to carry the same amount of happiness that Ralphie felt on that Christmas Day in 1983 for all NFL fanrous alike.  Whether you are there rooting your team onto victory and yes, even acting at your pompous self that any normal blooded NFL fan would do or you are there because in all honesty and respect to your wedding day, the birth of your child, there is just no other feeling that you get than being surrounded by so many people who share that ONE true pleasure in life.

For the fans, the Super Bowl is a holiday by all terms considered.  Before we get into the debates, let’s first look at the definition of a ‘holiday’: a celebratory day, time off, back-slapping, conversable, entertaining, festive, hearty, lively, sociable, adventuress, ceremonial, experience, milestone, triumph, wonder and yes, even catastrophe, crisis, exploitation, misfortune and mistake.   As I begin to piece this blog together, I can only see the words that I write becoming something of an actual reality playing out in front of me, for the defined holiday has done just that.

While we all come together to watch the event, we also come together to bid farewell to the end of another football season.

As any other person, life will move on and we will have more events to look upon until next season.  There’s the World Series, the Stanley Cup, The Masters, Daytona 500 and even the Gold Cup.  Yes, these will come around like they do every season but  nothing can transform Americans into acting the way they do on Super Bowl Sunday. Nothing.

A good amount of us have all heard or seen a clip of Asian societies cramming themselves into metros and at that moment, you probably think that you would never, could never do that.  Well, isn’t this what we do come that magical Sunday?  Cram as many fans, doesn’t matter the team, into a given area and get overtly happy to be one of the select few, or shall I say many, to have that experience? 

Fact.  The Ravens are playing the 49ers. Fact. It is the first time in the NFL that two brothers are not only on opposing teams but are also the coaches. Fact.  It really doesn’t interest too many people of WHO is playing because the reality of it is that Super Bowl Sunday equates to Super Bowl Party.

Now, for the fans, take with you some helpful tips that have been tested and approved by me after numerous attempts on getting it right. Remember this first: when you start to make the journey to your destination, you can be certain to not worry about traffic.  The only vehicles that will be out, and probably with a tear rolling down their eye, are the ones who are driving the food delivery vehicles.  Try to tip them a little bit more for taking one for the team or better yet, allow them to peak in for a look at the score.

I hate to use the word ‘rule’ as that term should be used very seldom this Sunday, so I have compiled a guideline that just may come in helpful to you true football fan.  May you all read on and enjoy Super Bowl XLVII!

Rule #1:  Be wary of the people you are near and pay attention to if they are true football fans when you are watching the game.  They will suck the life out of you.  They will ask way too many questions and honestly, they probably only came to see the Halftime show.

Rule #2: They make elastic on pants for a reason.  Pace yourself when you are eating and especially drinking!  Stick to the boring dishes that no one has stuck their fingers in or double dipped countless time.  Try sticking to foods like celery, carrots, and maybe a few tortilla chips with queso.  When second half comes into play now’s your golden opportunity.  This is the time where the food will be refilled and your friends will be three sheets to the wind wishing they hadn’t eaten so much, so fast.  This is your time to load that plate up with enough food to give your wrist a slight sprain.  Last thing you want to do is miss an always exciting fourth quarter, when all you can think about is your bed and work in the morning.

Rule #3:  Be cautious of foods that you are not too sure of.  This can most definitely ruin your day when you think it’s a good idea to load a plate of chips up and pile it with the entire salsa bar, which is known to have that ONE salsa that I like to refer to as the Annexation of Puerto Rico.  There is nothing more enduring than trying to wipe the hotness off your tongue, with a paper towel, for a whole quarter.

Rule #4: Don’t be a sore loser if you didn’t win a square on the football party pool.  I’m sure it is tough to grasp that your square had 4 and 0 at the end of the half but the Super Bowl legends have said that the winners are reserved for the person that made the awesome 7-layer dip and thinks Mark Whalberg really did play for the Philadelphia Eagles.

Rule #5:  Respect the people there just to watch the Super Bowl commercials.  With all the anticipation that grows around these ads, they had better be entertaining for the billions being spent to have you watch them.  Yes, those E*Trade babies are a riot but those brats will be around for another hundred commercials in the weeks to follow.

Rule #6: Be alert of the people that are just there for the party.  Yes, I am sure they are wonderful people, but this Super Bowl Sunday Funday XLVII. It’s highly likely that you want to get in a discussion about who is separated or what the costs of the new Apple iPhone is.  For goodness sakes, it’s 4th and 1 on the 7 yard line.

Rule #7:  Seek out a seat that is open and has a clear vision of the television.  In fact, before even grabbing a drink or saying your hello’s, grab the seat and leave something behind as a place holder.  Try to make certain the seat is within two skips to the bathroom and three giant steps to the food and drinks.  If you can, try to get a seat that is located somewhat to the corner of the television (similar to being seated at the 30-yd line at a game).  This will better assist you with bobbing your head from side-to-side as people are starting a full out conversation in from on the TV.

My belief is that if you follow this guideline, you can go no wrong and will have a blast no matter the winner of the game.  If you find this Super Bowl to be a blowout, destroy these guided points and do yourself.

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